If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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