I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
