WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize