why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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