Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We have so much sex to catch up on
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
