I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
