i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
