he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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