It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
