I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
