Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
