whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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