you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
