"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
