new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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