I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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