When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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