He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
