i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
