Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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