Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
