uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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