rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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