I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
