what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize