Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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