I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
