I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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