Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
