the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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