Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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