So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize