3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
