you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
