I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
