I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
