i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
