I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
