So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
