Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
