I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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