Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
