I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
no you cant smoke seaweed
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize