I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
