i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think I am morally bankrupt
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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