I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
