I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize