You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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