woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
