I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
