am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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