The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
