It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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