yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You know, be my cock's hype man.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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