I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
