my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
