ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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