oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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