Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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