Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
