I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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