apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
