Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
