the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
