you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
