And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
