he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
