Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
