She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words āIce Cream Enemaā were spoken.
Randomize
