she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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