Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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