The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Watching her eat just hurts me
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
