shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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