my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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